Weird...

I was driving down the freeway in the fast lane with a rabid wolverine in my underwear when suddenly a guy behind me in the backsear popped right up and put his hands across my eyes. I said is it Uncle Frank or cousin Louie, is it Bob or Joe or Walter, could it be Bill or Sue or Ed or Vernie or Steve? I probably would have kept on guessing but about that time we crashed into the truck, and as I'm lying bleeding there on the asphalt finally i recongnise the face of my hibachi dealer who takes off his prostetic lips and tells me.

Everything you know is wrong. Black is white, up is down , and short is long, and everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter.
I was walking into the kitchen for some Golden Grams when I accidently stepped into an alternate demention and then I was abducted by some aliens whose faces kinda looked like Jamie Farr. They sucked out my internal organs and they took some polariods and said I was a darn good sport, and as a way of saying thank you they offered to transport me back to any place in history that I would care to go. So I had them send me back to last Thursday night so I could pay my phone bill on time, just as the flaoating disembodeied head of Cornel Saunders started yelling.

Everything you know is wrong. Black is white, up is down , and short is long, and everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter.
I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin when I got a nasty paper cut and, to make a long story short, it got infected and I died. So now I'm up in heaven with St. Peter by the Pearly Gates and it's obious he doesn't like the Nero jacket that I'm wearing, he tells me that they've got a dress code, but he lets me into heaven anyway but I get the room next to the noisy Ice machine for all eterity and every day he runs by screaming.
Everything you know is wrong. Black is white, up is down , and short is long, and everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter.